So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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