drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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