Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
