taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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