guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
