i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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