If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
