No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
