someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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