You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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