I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
