can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
