So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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