You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
