I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
babies were throwing up all over the place
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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