it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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