I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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