this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
