last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
