apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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