***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
