I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
