We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We got so high we made milksteak
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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