Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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