Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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