probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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