I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
