I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
