remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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