Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
