Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
