watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
