I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
