it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
