I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
