She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think your dad took our porno
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
