It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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