I cannot find my penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Enjoy the penises
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
