I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
