Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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