OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
