saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
