Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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