I can't breathe out the right side of my face
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
