You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
