It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
