So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
