i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
