OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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