Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
