he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
