Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
