I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
