Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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