i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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