so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
