All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
