do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
