my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
