but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
