Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My balls are so social today.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
