I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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