I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
