Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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