I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's always time for handjobs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
