did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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