handjob tips. give me some.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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