he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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