Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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