C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
