I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
they're like a gay fantastic four
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
