You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
