When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
