I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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