he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
