I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
