i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
