I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
