i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how does that bad decision feel?
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