the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
