maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Floor bacon is actually really good
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
