I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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