I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
