He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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