Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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